Habitual drunkard pdela, 26, was found half-naked and screaming in agony next to the remains of the five-foot snow sculpture. And when he arrived for treatment at North Central infirmary in Blackburn, shocked medics found the booze-soaked layabout was suffering from FROSBITE of the JOHNSON. Someone at the hospital said that "pdela's a regular visitor to A&E. Normally it’s just bumps and scrapes – or someone has giving him an ass whoopin’ .

“Occasionally he’ll get trapped in something or get an object wedged up him. But this is the most bizarre mishap yet.”

“Frosbite of the penis may sound funny but it can be very serious indeed.”

“Frosbite can cause infection and gangrene and ultimately this may lead to the member being amputed.”

“From what I heard, little pdela is still in one, small piece”.

But the unemployed former saddle-sniffer may not remain in one piece if he returns to the scene of his whitemarish coupling – as local residents are said to be on the warpath.

Ian Jessop of the Ramsgreave and Brownhill Community Security said: “If that dirty fucker comes back here after what he did. I won’t be responsible for the reaction of the community.

“Several people have already vowed to dismember him after what he did to the kids’ snowman.”

“He left a pile of empty bottles, a wrecked snowman and a trail of frozen man-juice in the middle of the community recreation ground.”

“This bugger’s worse than Jimmy Savile.”

Last night pdela was said to be recovering at the YMCA.

Pdela's a Cult

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